Do you ever wish you were more exciting? That you were the life of the party? Sometimes I wish that.
I'm really great at being a hostess. I am accommodating, a pretty good cook, kind, inviting... but for some reason, when friends come over, I feel like I bore them. I don't know if that's necessarily true, but it sure feels like it sometimes.
I've never been one to "party," but I do love a good conversation, and I certainly love to laugh. Lately, however, I just feel like the only people who appreciate my style of hospitality and friendship are my fiance, my best friend, Marly, and my family. I guess that's really all you can ask for in life. But I sort of always pictured myself as a person who would have friends just bursting from the seams of her little 1 bedroom apartment - always too full of laughter and the warmth of good friendship. And I pictured when I got married that my husband and I would have so many other "couple friends" who would come over for game nights and movie nights.
The last few times I've tried to open my home to other couples and groups of friends, I've just been completely underwhelmed. Usually I end up feeling extremely exhausted after the fact because of all the effort and energy I put into making my home beautiful, preparing the food/whatever, and putting myself into that vulnerable state of being a hostess. Then, when it seems like others just really aren't interested in spending time with you, it's like a big gust of wind just sweeps you off your feet and lands you really hard on your back on the ground. My feelings hurt, my soul hurts, and I just want to curl up and sleep. For days.
Sorry to sound all emo, but this is just how I've been feeling for the last few days. A little disappointed to say the least, and a little hurt and confused to say the most.
I didn't know I was so boring...
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Be still.
I think I need to start establishing more quiet time with the Lord. Ideally, I'd love to start each day with a good half hour of devotional and prayer time. I've not had a good devotional time in my life for a long time, and I'm getting to the point where I desperately need it, and it will actually fit in with my lifestyle. I have SO MUCH going on in my life right now. I really need to intentionally be still and rest in the Lord. We talked about prayer in Sunday school this morning, and I felt really convicted to spend more intentional prayer time with God - after all, you need to communicate to actually have a relationship.
My first day of grad school orientation starts tomorrow - including our entrance exams in music history and theory. THANK GOODNESS we get 2 chances to pass the exams. I haven't studied like I should have (surprise, surprise...). I'm doing a little cramming this evening, but I'm not sure it will be enough to pass either or both of the exams. We'll see!
Where has the summer gone?! So, I've got orientation this week, plus move-in tables with work, plus I need to solidify my opera audition aria (and schedule a coaching or two and a lesson), plus I need to get moving with Mary Kay. Also I think I'm babysitting for a couple hours on Friday. AHH. What a week.
On top of that, I'm starting to look at different apartments online for Jason and me to move into when we get married next summer. Ideally I'd like to start setting up appointments to do some walk-throughs as soon as possible. Apartments get rented up really quickly in Bloomington, so the sooner you can sign a lease, the better!
So far the wedding planning has been pretty smooth. We've got a date, a ceremony site, an officiant, some bridesmaids and groomsmen, and a pretty good idea of a photographer, reception site, and a DJ. It's pretty stressful trying to plan a wedding out of town. You have to schedule meetings back to back during weekends. It's pretty challenging. I'm excited for when things will just start falling into place. But I am enjoying it! Planning your wedding with the love of your life should NOT be a stressful and horrible time. It should be so fun and exciting! Aside from the typical stresses, we are managing to find the fun and excitement in it! :-)
Speaking of fun and exciting, have I mentioned before how much I love my job as a Mary Kay consultant? I really do. My goal is to become a Sales Director, which means that I'll have to be working really hard on that this semester as well. I'm definitely going to be praying for a sense of urgency and fearlessness as I approach this next quarter. Taking a month off while I was in San Francisco makes right now feel like I'm starting all over again as a brand new baby consultant! My director and my national director believe in me, and that makes me feel so inspired! I'm so blessed with this career opportunity, and I can't wait to share it with other women. It really can change lives!
That's all for now. Time to continue reading about Notre Dame polyphony and 13th Century troubadour songs. :-/
My first day of grad school orientation starts tomorrow - including our entrance exams in music history and theory. THANK GOODNESS we get 2 chances to pass the exams. I haven't studied like I should have (surprise, surprise...). I'm doing a little cramming this evening, but I'm not sure it will be enough to pass either or both of the exams. We'll see!
Where has the summer gone?! So, I've got orientation this week, plus move-in tables with work, plus I need to solidify my opera audition aria (and schedule a coaching or two and a lesson), plus I need to get moving with Mary Kay. Also I think I'm babysitting for a couple hours on Friday. AHH. What a week.
On top of that, I'm starting to look at different apartments online for Jason and me to move into when we get married next summer. Ideally I'd like to start setting up appointments to do some walk-throughs as soon as possible. Apartments get rented up really quickly in Bloomington, so the sooner you can sign a lease, the better!
So far the wedding planning has been pretty smooth. We've got a date, a ceremony site, an officiant, some bridesmaids and groomsmen, and a pretty good idea of a photographer, reception site, and a DJ. It's pretty stressful trying to plan a wedding out of town. You have to schedule meetings back to back during weekends. It's pretty challenging. I'm excited for when things will just start falling into place. But I am enjoying it! Planning your wedding with the love of your life should NOT be a stressful and horrible time. It should be so fun and exciting! Aside from the typical stresses, we are managing to find the fun and excitement in it! :-)
Speaking of fun and exciting, have I mentioned before how much I love my job as a Mary Kay consultant? I really do. My goal is to become a Sales Director, which means that I'll have to be working really hard on that this semester as well. I'm definitely going to be praying for a sense of urgency and fearlessness as I approach this next quarter. Taking a month off while I was in San Francisco makes right now feel like I'm starting all over again as a brand new baby consultant! My director and my national director believe in me, and that makes me feel so inspired! I'm so blessed with this career opportunity, and I can't wait to share it with other women. It really can change lives!
That's all for now. Time to continue reading about Notre Dame polyphony and 13th Century troubadour songs. :-/
Saturday, August 6, 2011
...two months later...
Well, I'm back from San Francisco! Where to begin, where to begin... I'M ENGAGED!!!!
Back up. Let me tell you about my BASOTI experience before I start gushing about my wonderful fiance and how it all happened and how happy I am. :-) This blog entry first; that blot entry second.
From June 25-July 25, I was in San Francisco, CA participating in the Bay Area Summer Opera Theater Institute, which is basically an opera training program for young/emerging-professional singers. It was a FANTASTIC experience, and I wouldn't trade it for anything! I sang Susanna in 2 Marriage of Figaro scenes, Zerlina in 1 Don Giovanni scene, and the role of Nora in the full production of Riders to the Sea. When I was preparing for the Riders role, I was REALLY challenged - it is a very difficult piece of music! But after putting it together with the other singers and developing the character with the director, I fell in love with the piece. I feel like I've really accomplished something, and I'm so proud of myself as well as the other cast members - we did it!
Our days at BASOTI typically went like this:
Ms. Wise (my wonderful, amazing voice teacher) was there for the first week of the program. I had 2 lessons with her in that first week, and I am SO grateful! I've started working on a little bit of new repertoire and am loving how my voice is growing and becoming its own. I'm anxious to get started back again in the fall (omg. in 2 weeks.) with consistent lessons.
Although we were incredibly busy the whole time, I was able to sneak in a few "tourist" activities every once in a while. I will share some pictures now of my performances and sight-seeing adventures.
Back up. Let me tell you about my BASOTI experience before I start gushing about my wonderful fiance and how it all happened and how happy I am. :-) This blog entry first; that blot entry second.
From June 25-July 25, I was in San Francisco, CA participating in the Bay Area Summer Opera Theater Institute, which is basically an opera training program for young/emerging-professional singers. It was a FANTASTIC experience, and I wouldn't trade it for anything! I sang Susanna in 2 Marriage of Figaro scenes, Zerlina in 1 Don Giovanni scene, and the role of Nora in the full production of Riders to the Sea. When I was preparing for the Riders role, I was REALLY challenged - it is a very difficult piece of music! But after putting it together with the other singers and developing the character with the director, I fell in love with the piece. I feel like I've really accomplished something, and I'm so proud of myself as well as the other cast members - we did it!
Our days at BASOTI typically went like this:
- Wake Up
- Check email
- Read 5,000 emails about schedule changes
- Take a deep breath, relax, and get going
- Morning classes/seminars (Acting, Audition Prep, Alexander Technique, Italian/French Diction, Engaging the Public, The Business of Singing...)
- Lunch Break
- Afternoon Rehearsals and/or Voice Lessons
- Dinner Break
- Evening Rehearsals/Masterclasses/Performances
- Lather, rinse, repeat...
Ms. Wise (my wonderful, amazing voice teacher) was there for the first week of the program. I had 2 lessons with her in that first week, and I am SO grateful! I've started working on a little bit of new repertoire and am loving how my voice is growing and becoming its own. I'm anxious to get started back again in the fall (omg. in 2 weeks.) with consistent lessons.
Although we were incredibly busy the whole time, I was able to sneak in a few "tourist" activities every once in a while. I will share some pictures now of my performances and sight-seeing adventures.
 |
| Susanna and Figaro, Act 1, No. 1-3 |
 |
| 2 Zerlinas from Don Giovanni |
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| Marcelina and Susanna, Act 1, No. 5 |
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| We walked across the Golden Gate Bridge! Twice! |
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| Fisherman's Wharf at Ghirardelli Square for the 4th of July |
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| Union Square |
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| Muir Woods to see the redwoods on my birthday! |
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| Katie (my roommate) and me at Muir Woods |
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